Current mood:	confused
Current music:	Hikari - KH ost

I'm trying to work out how much I've changed. I look back at the first time I joined ff.net, and now...I think that I've grown up quite a lot. True it's only been a short amount of time but still, I feel somewhat...maturer? Is that a word? I just feel differently about everything. I like to think that I've grown up, but sometimes I still feel like a child; though I've never really had that much of a childhood, so I don't know what it is supposed to be like.

Am I confusing anyone? Because I'm confused.

I like to think I've changed for the better, but I really don't know. Now that J (I won't use her name) has left school, she was the last person I knew that I could talk to. I didn't like her, but that didn't matter right? Now there are only the other group of people; I have transfered schools, and they treat me nicely, they will speak to me sometimes, but they have known each other through high school; they are all really close and I feel like an outsider. Which I am, I suppose. And it's like I'm intruding.

There is no one now. I am truly alone. And I'm scared. I have no one to talk to, my friend who knew all about my cutting, hell she's the one who got me started, left ages ago so I have no one on that subject matter. I have no one.

I've never really wanted friends, they always took the piss out of me because I would spend my time studying or reading. Why am I so different to everyone else?

I've always wondered what it would be like to have a group of real friends, but I know I'd just screw it all up somehow. I guess I'm just meant to be un-befriended. I like being alone, but just once in a while it would be nice to know what it's like.

Anyway, I don't know what brought this up. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I need to go start studying anyway, I just got my maths and biology text books. They look quite fun, I can't wait to read the genetics section.

And I just ordered the Evangelion DVD box set. This is a reminder for me, so that I know when to expect it.

~Dagger